Amaterasu: "Don't try to imprison a living being in a human house if it doesn't desire to live with you, naive little girl." A soft voice echoed through the whistling leaves of the tree Adora had come close to in her childish hunt for the critter. Large branches gently wrapped around the white animal sitting on the human before carefully placing it on the other side of the tree so it could run free again without having to fear to be chased once again. "Don't those wounds hurt?" Worry was clearly included in the tone of the voice now. Quickly leaves and flowers gathered above Adora, revealing Amaterasu's body in the matter of a few seconds. "It's dangerous to play in the forest. Wounds can get infected and your body can grow numb in the worst case. Many poisonous plants hide around every corner." she explained as she stepped down onto the ground next to her and extended her hand to help her up, then realized that she would not able to touch her. Her hand dropped. "Are you still alone...?" Only a whisper escaped her lips as her eyebrows furrowed. She knew what had happened because of her and even now where she had returned to the tree, after receiving her punishment, guilt was still heavily laying on her chest.
Adora: A soft rustle sounded as Adora sat herself upright, brushing her hair over her shoulder. Her eyes followed the bunny as it ran off, disappointment rushing over her. She didn't say a single word, but her expression clearly would show her true emotions towards the animal being released. It was made obvious she wanted the bunny, and having gotten this far it was so distressing that she had seen it get away. Sadly, Adora poked at the ground, refusing to look up or speak of her wounds, which were still fresh and painful, especially in light of her recent actions. There was no worry in her mind about being hurt or the sort, the pink haired girl knowing full well that she would hardly be affected by poison or infected wounds. She kicked at the dirt, not wanting to stand up or even look at Amaterasu, hardly knowing what to say. "I'm not alone!" Came the first few words out of her mouth to the spirit. "I have Evelyn. And Chihiro." Hair fell over her eyes as she tilted her head to the ground sadly, not wanting to say anything else. The girl would swear to her death that she was happy, not wanting anyone to see her sadness behind her smile, being all too used to hiding herself and her image behind what people would want to see from her. "I just wanted to pet the bunny, too." She huffed, braiding her locks as a nervous tick, one she had grown all too used to doing.
Amaterasu: Using the pets as an excuse was maybe not what Amaterasu had expected to hear, but she understood anyway that it was a little lie covered up with naming something Adora loved. Both of them probably had known that the question was asked to get updated on her situation with Akaneiro, but the girl seemed to avoid the topic. The eyes of the spirit scanned her wounds carefully before letting out a soft, but calm sigh. Maybe she was the last person Adora would want to talk to now, after all it had been her who had caused the first connection cutting fight between her and the fox. "If you say so..." she mumbled as she slowly placed a hand on her own cheek. She wouldn't dare to bring up another word. Not for a while. Only when minutes had passed she opened her mouth again to speak. "Madder Red listens to you now, the trees said that." she began unsure, then forced herself to continue to speak. "But you're still not with him I assume. That's...sad." Her eyes turned away from the girl as the guilty feeling in her chest became stronger again. If she wouldn't have tried to kill her past lover, would they still be together then? Maybe he would still be able to trust Adora, maybe not. She didn't know, wouldn't know. "You can blame it all on me, you know..." she quietly said, her gaze focused on the green grass beneath her feet.
Adora: Silence passed by the pair as Amaterasu's last words echoed into the small girl's ears. Her mouth opened finally, Adora speaking softly yet still not looking up. "What's the point?" She muttered, drawing circles gently in the grass with her hand. "There's no point in blaming you. I could blame everyone in the word over and over again and it would solve nothing. It just wouldn't make sense or have any purpose. None at all." She shrugged, untangling her hair and brushing it back with her fingers, laying back down on the ground. In truth, she already blamed the tree goddess. The blame laid on her but yet also and more so on herself. Adora found it easier to blame all of it on her own faults and her own poor actions, the things she did or the things she might have said during her time with her boyfriend. Yet, despite the fact that she would lay the blame down, it did not hinder from the fact that she did speak the truth. She could put the blame anywhere and yet it would not solve anything. Nothing at all.
Amaterasu: Again the girl stayed silent. But this time it wasn't a calm silence, it was a nervous silence. A forced one. "I want to be blamed though. I want to be blamed for everything I did..." she muttered, just glancing at Adora. Something was laying on her tongue that she didn't have the courage to speak out loud. "Maybe if I wouldn't have existed at all Akaneiro would have turned out different. Maybe more dangerous. Maybe more caring. I don't know. But I can say for sure that...I never helped much for him to become kind. Although I wish I would have done more. But well, life isn't always turning the way you want, huh..." Although she talked she didn't seem like she directed the words to her conversation partner, but only to herself as her pupils desperately tried to focus on a certain spot, just so they wouldn't have to meet the violet of Adora's eyes. "Did he..." Directing her words now to the girl she continued to speak in a louder and more serious way. "Remember what I did? Everything?" she asked carefully as her head raised again and her body tensed slightly as she awaited an answer.
Adora: "I'm not going to console you and nor will I be able to give you an answer. I highly doubt if you had not existed things would be better, because I can't say I trust your brothers all too much with him." Adora wrapped her arms around her knees as she spoke, once again sitting up. She could not answer Amaterasu's stray thoughts, nor did she care to. It was obvious the spirit was nervous, in the way she was constantly avoiding looking at Adora in the same way the girl was avoiding looking at her. Once again, a hand ran through her hair as a loud sigh brushed past pink lips. She did not know what answer she was supposed to give. What was she going to tell her? Yes? No? "He remembered enough." Was the final answer given. Only enough. Adora did not know what parts were missing in the fox's memory and what parts were there. The only thing she knew was that he indeed remembered enough to lose all trust in Adora and all trust in humans. "I don't know what he remembered exactly. I only know that he remembered enough. Enough to leave. That's all."
Amaterasu: "It wasn't me though." Her answer came quick and in a harsh tone. Yet she wouldn't add another sentence to explain her words, but just continued to nervously distract herself from explanations. "Enough..." she repeated for herself as if she was worried about how much 'enough' could possibly be. If he could have remembered something else beside her attempted murder. Her nervousness only rose inside of her chest, forcing it to become tight and hurtful. "When he left, did he say anything weird? Or after that? Did he ever mention anything about me again?" Now more demanding she threw the questions at Adora, her voice already nearly sounded aggressive. It had become obvious now that she wanted to know about something that kept her from relaxing. "Did he mention her by any chance? Or my problem? Anything about the time before we became a couple? Or before he became sick?" Her questions came out like shot by a gunfire now. As soon as she noticed it though she shut her mouth tightly and just stared at Adora hoping she would answer at least any of the questions she just had asked so impolitely.
Adora: Blankly, Adora glared back at the woman, her eyes becoming suddenly cool and hateful as she stared. Her memory, usually that being a failure to her, brought back a memory which struck her deeply, tightening her stomach in a type of jealous anger and hatred. "Not to blame you. Because it's not your fault-" The girl hissed, but stopped herself from finishing what she wanted to say. 'Because you're perfect.' Adora clenched her teeth, obviously annoyed. One more sentence out of the mouth of her companion would bring her to a point of rage in which she had not gotten to before. It was ludicrous. Don't blame her for murder, no. Yet Adora could be blamed for everything. Her fists curled up in the ground, anger and bitterness choking her back. If she wanted to speak anymore, she wouldn't be able to. Adora refused to cry, refused to tear up, refused to yell. So, instead of anything rash and reflecting of her true feelings, she only bit her lip until it bled, her expression growing cold and empty, as if to say, 'I don't want to hear you respond.' In truth, she really didn't. Not a single word. Adora was already disgusted enough. She didn't want to hear any more. Not in defense of herself. Not of explanation. Furiously, she pushed herself up to stand, prepared to turn around and leave.
Amaterasu/Akaneiro: Silently the tree ghost stared at her reasonable reactions, but instead of saying anything or stopping her she just tilted her head. "He won't let you." she explained shortly, before advising Adora of Akaneiro's presence just a a few feet behind her, who obviously had been listening since a moment. The foxes' ears twitched curiously as he had not really heard enough to comprehend what the conversation had been about. He could see and feel that Adora was upset about something, a not surprising mood considering who she was facing. "You two shouldn't talk. Or interact at all. It's pretty useless to be mad at someone you can't touch, you can't rip off their head." the fox commented without really caring about the seriousness of the situation. He crossed his arms and stepped closer, just far enough still as not to touch Adora. "Do you two think it's polite to talk about someone behind their back? I assume you talked about me." His eyes glanced at his ex-girlfriend as if he was saying 'Because you're upset'. Although he waited for an answer, he wouldn't receive one from Amaterasu. The spirit was far from relaxed and her nervousness grew more visible as she was shaking slightly now. "Is....something wrong?" Akaneiro asked with a raised eyebrow, but again just received an answer in form of a turned head to avoid being looked at. "Okay?" He frowned. Whatever caused Amaterasu's behavior, he could only take a guess. And he kept that guess for himself for now.
Adora: Adora snorted. "Maybe it doesn't concern you, gay baby. Anyway, I talk about you a lot. To everyone. All the time." She huffed and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms and looking around herself, as if searching for a way out. "Besides that, I tend to be mad at someone I can't touch quite a lot, as you should know. If you thought I cared, you would be wrong. " The girl replied, her eyes reddening slightly as if the demon chose to respond to the mention of it, even if it was indirectly. A sigh escaped out of the girl's mouth once again, her hair gently swaying behind her back. "I'd like to go home now, if you'd please." She stared blankly, sighing deeply. Her eyes met with Akaneiro's, being almost completely calm as she stared, not showing any sign of discomfort and fear.
Amaterasu/Akaneiro: The worried look on Amaterasu's face soon vanished as she was watching Adora and Akaneiro longer and longer. She noticed every single one of the girl's reactions, how her expressions changed and even how calmly she faced the fox. She didn't know if the girl was sick of being here or if she really had calmed down so suddenly. But she felt something stinging in her chest. //I talk about you a lot. To everyone. All the time.// she repeated in her head, words that made her chest tighten up. She loved him. It was so obvious. And yet she had destroyed any chance for her to become happy through her own selfish actions in the past. And now she wasn't brave enough to fix her mistakes. They weren't unfixable, that is what she knew. But for her it meant the world to keep a secret what she tried to hide. Her fingers nervously played with the fabric of her dress as desperate eyes were searching for Akaneiro's attention. The foxes' ears perked up as he looked up from Adora and over to Amaterasu. And his heart sunk. Because he had known this expression. No word would leave either of their lips, yet their eyes said everything that both of them wanted to say. And as he nodded his past lover finally began to speak again. "It wasn't me." she repeated once again, the same words she had already spoken. "Nothing of it was me." she added, now directly speaking to Adora. What could happen in the worst case? She had already lied once, what was about revealing the remaining lies? Akaneiro had remembered them. That was what she was sure of. Would one not want to blame you for murder? Not if they knew about something only the two of them would know about. "Adora...I kept some details out of the story when I told it to you last. Details I took from Akaneiro's memory when I died. Details I have to tell him as well as you. And I don't...I'm not...No, I'm not perfect. I've never been and never will be. And maybe I can't fix what I've done, but if you let me...I can try to fix what I caused. Or at least...tell you why he doesn't want to blame me." Her words became more quiet as she finished her sentence and she glanced at Akaneiro once again, but this time he didn't look back at her, but away, on the ground to avoid her eyes.
Adora: "And what will that do?" Adora whispered, looking down at the ground. She took a deep breath, curling up her fists. "You're going to fix everything? Of course." A short, harsh laugh made its way out of the small girls throat, her eyes now full of anger, full of sadness. Tears welled their way up as Adora held her head in her hands, trembling badly as she struggled to stay calm. "Because I'll believe that for a minute. Try! Try and sew things back together! It won't work, I assure you. You'll be sewing together my fabricated world of happiness in which I have been building up over and over again my entire life! It'll get torn down a minute after that, I can guarantee it." Her voice had almost risen to an angry shout, but she paused, slowly bringing her voice back down, but it was still kept rough, harsh. It was not any better than yelling, her voice at an almost whisper. Something about it was almost crazed, insane, her body shaking violently as wide, flashing eyes focused on the ground. "It always gets torn down. There is no rest for the wicked. There is no happiness for the insane. There is no hope..." 'For the monster'. Adora slowly led herself back to the ground, still holding onto herself tightly, as if she may lose her own body at any moment. Her words, first directed at Amaterasu, were now only whispers to her own self, repeating the words she had heard so many different times before, from so many different parties. She groaned, taking a deep breath as once again she regained her cool demeanor. "You left things out. Wonderful. I couldn't care less," She waved her hand regally, in the same sickening way she was taught to as a young child. A princess. Adora still regarded this title as disgusting, and yet slipped into this type of behavior without difficulty, her violet eyes no longer having difficulty meeting that of the ghost's. The look in them was sickening. Cold, empty, aloof. She almost looked as if she was daring the woman to challenge her, daring her to say otherwise. In such a little time, she had changed her demeanor completely so many times, and yet showed no regrets of doing so. "But do as you please. Entertain me. I am quite assured that I will be able to rest just so much easier due to these miraculous words I am about to be party to. Of course." Her eyes showed no sign of the demon, this easy defense mechanism keeping the beast at bay. It the way she was oh so used to living, keeping herself as cold and empty as she was used to feeling. There was no point in jesting any longer.
Amaterasu/Akaneiro: "Maybe it won't fix anything. Maybe it won't make you feel any better. But this guilt stayed with me for so long and no matter if you will listen or not, I will now tell you the truth about my past with Akaneiro. And the reasons for why we got together and why I had to put down my life in order to protect him." Amaterasu quietly gave back to Adora, who was reacting so hateful and desperate already. She wanted nothing more than to see her smile again, to know she would no longer cry because of her. She no longer wanted to destroy happiness out of her own selfish being. So she inhaled a lot of air and opened her lips to talk, to
finally reveal the whole truth.
"Tsukuyomi never liked Akaneiro. Nor could he stand Colette. They both were a thorn in his eye, seeing as he his mind was infected by the thought of making the world his own. But as long as those two would be there they would have been in the way. So he decided to get rid of them. And that is what he used me for. And I so foolishly believed him." She blankly stared down at Adora now and only whispered the words she remembered. "A gluttonous vacuum like you will not forget about what you could do by simply using what you were given at birth, do you?" she repeated, then clenched her fists. "From birth on I was able to take memories from people and implant them my own or even made up ones. I could not stand those powers. They were a manipulating, cruel thing to use and I had sworn myself to never use them for myself. However...my young, naive heart felt something for this stupid fox and eventually I...just gave in."
She sighed softly, then forced a smile. "All of us were sad when Colette's book expired, but none of our hearts were as horribly crushed as Akaneiro's. She had kept him sane. And this sanity was gone in the blink of an eye. My brother promised to calm him, but he didn't. It got worse. And eventually he appeared as this horrible thing in front of me. Madder Red, a creature so eaten from despair and hatred that it in no possible way could be tamed. I waited for him to calm down again. Hoping and praying he would return to his normal self again one day. But he didn't get well. And so I decided that for once I wanted to be a bad girl. I broke the most important rule and went off alone with him. I wasn't without fear. I was scared of him, so damn scared. I had never seen him like this before. But I wanted to help him. So I became a "Honeythief". It was the name my power carried. 'Stealing honey' meant nothing more but to take something another person had worked for, had built up and taken care of, then make it your own and use those lies to bathe in the joy you receive from the lie. I had taken Colette's love and care for Akaneiro and made him believe it had been me who had helped him grow warmer to the world. And he began to fall in love with me. And I..." She smiled again, yet way more sadly. "Let him do because I wanted him to be happy. So I would stop caring about his violence, rudeness, anything he did to me or others...and just showed him love whenever I could. And one day he learned to smile again." Her smile faded quickly and her eyes grew colder. "At a certain day he was shot by a poison arrow, as I already told you. I had sworn to myelf 'Once he got better you will tell him. He should know the truth'. But he didn't get better. Instead he began to die. Slowly and painfully. This is when I grew desperate."
Her eyes narrowed now. She knew what she would reveal now would take the guilt from her shoulders, but eventually would only cause more questions, more hatred. And she suddenly wasn't sure if it would solve anything. But she wanted it to leave her lips. "It wasn't actually me who made the poison that would release Akaneiro from his pain. At the said morning my brother Tsukuyomi had found us. But instead of a punishment I received the poison from him. And he wanted me to kill the person I loved. Why did I follow his orders? Easy. I didn't want to see my beloved guardian suffer any longer. He had suffered so much already. Physically and emotionally. And only lies were keeping him alive. And the honeythief grew sick of the sweet taste. It was the first and last time he was ever able to forget about his pain. I wanted to make him forget forever. And free him from this world. But my life was ending before I could end his. And that is why I, with my last strength, did what I could do with the love I had left for him. Protect him. From himself. From my brothers. From remembering the pain of losing someone he loved. And I burned the guilt of this betrayal in his heart." She inhaled some air as she finished speaking, then smiled weakly at Akaneiro. "Isn't that so? You can't love because of me. You didn't fall in love with me because of who I was. But the truth is...I really deeply love you!" Tears welled up in her eyes and quickly ran down her cheeks, but in her heart a glad feeling of relief was replacing the guilt she had felt over hundred of years. However, the fox stayed silent. Hearing most of this for the first time as well he shifted slightly on his paws, but his eyes were empty and he was visibly lost in thoughts. His mouth stayed shut. He didn't want to answer or talk. Not at all.
Adora: Yet, she did. "I would do the same thing... but..." She began again, despite her desire not to. Carefully, she ran her fingers through her pink hair, opening her mouth slowly to continue. "I won't claim to know much about love. I won't claim to know anything about love, to be honest. I wouldn't claim to know what it feels like when you're completely and wholly loved by someone else. I just wouldn't know. I know what it feels to be on one sided love. I can write novels about how it feels to love someone, and yet I cannot tell you what love actually is. I know it's something and it's strong and it's negative and it hurts and it builds up and just..." She shrugged, taking a deep breath and stopping the long, rushed sentence. "But I do know that taking the love someone else has worked for... is just awful. I don't know how to get someone to love you but, I sure bet it's hard. I want to be loved but... I'd like to earn that love. I really would. So if that means I... if that means I just spend the rest of my life alone, watching everyone else happily live and love then... so be it. I figure... if you can't get someone to love you then they aren't the right person for you. Of course, that's just how I comfort myself. I mean, it's probably easier to get someone to love you if you didn't have the mindset and body of a thirteen year old girl. I'm obviously not mature enough to love anyone, 'cept my parents. But they don't exist. They've never existed." She laughed, almost sweetly. It was easier for the girl to laugh at herself, to poke fun at her situation than face it head on. Much easier. At the same time, it was also easier to deny the things she did not want to accept, like the existence of her mother and her father. Two of the first people who broke her heart and her trust. "I bet it's nice though. Really nice." Her eyes reflected a soft sadness for a moment, but once again she forced her mask back on, that almost genuine smile that hid all of her secrets behind layers and layers of sadness. The mask was easier. No explanations, no arguments. She could pretend and pretend and no one would care. So she sat up there, on her beautiful stage and played the role of herself, cheerful and bright. "But that's okay! I have Kai, and I have Ovis and Liore and Koda and Fendel and also Evelyn and Chihiro too. Cae used to like me but-" A dark look passed over face at the mention of her sister's name, her eyes averting to the ground. In an instant, her mouth shut completely. Caelyn was not someone of whom she wished to bring up, not now and not ever. Dark memories, both new and old, swelled through her, making her sister an old scar that had now only become a fresh, bleeding wound.
A soft whimper escaped from her mouth, her eyes adverting to the right as she gently laid a hand on her head, clenching her eyes tightly shut. "Uh... V loves me too." She muttered quietly, jumping as a sharp spark of pain sent through her head. "Shut up." She hissed, speaking to the demon and not herself. She had become better at hiding the demon's rage to others, and yet the more she did that the more she forced it upon herself. It twisted violently and aggressively, becoming stronger and more prepared the more distressed and sad its host became. Yet Adora still chose to hid it, because, like always, it was easier to function in that way. "But I don't want to be loved by it, in all honesty. It-" She stopped again, groaning in pain and rubbing her temples softly. "Yeah, um..." Her brow furrowed as she had forgotten what she wanted to say. "Umm... oh, right. I'm going to go home now. Have a nice whatever the time of day it is." //That did absolutely nothing, ha.// Bitterly, Adora stood up, rubbing her head and taking a step in the direction of her home. She hoped, this time, she would be allowed to walk away. No longer did she want to stay near the tree. The more she sat, the more she thought, the more she heard and witnessed, the more depressed and angry she became. The more she felt like a monster that no one wanted to be around. At the moment, all she wanted to do was go home, go inside of her home and curl up in her blankets, crying herself to sleep until she could no longer make a sound. That's all she wanted.